Boredom and Separation

Maybe I'm depressed as well. There's nothing that I'm looking forward to - is that a bad sign? Well, that's not strictly true. I guess I'm looking forward to a time about 7 or 8 years from now when I can, hopefully, gracefully leave. I figure that the children will be old enough to deal with their parents being apart and hopefully won't have been too screwed up by their parents self-indulgent unhappiness.

You could look at it two ways.

1. You separate as a couple now and the kids drift into broken home weirdness just as they hit puberty. Unemotional, not-got-a-clue-about-feelings me on one side and really unhappy/frustrated mum but great-with-feelings on the other. Maybe we balance out our worst excesses by being together making some sort of stable home. So, it is good for the children for us to be together.
2. Once free of each other, me and Queenie blossom into the happy go lucky people that we used to be. We get great lives in different ways and the children benefit from seeing their parents as normal go getters. So, it is good for the children if we split.

My gut feeling is that the dutiful, miserable way is probably the best for the children. Kids like stability, they want a father and a mother around while they are growing up. Dads to do one sort of thing, mums do another. My parents were border line psychotic but I think it would have been worse if they hadn't been together while I was growing up.

I'VE POSTED A PICTURE OF A 1973 KAWASAKI KH 750 TO CHEER MYSELF UP. THIS WAS A DREAM MACHINE OF MINE WHEN I WAS MY SONS AGE. IT STILL LOOKS IMPOSSIBLY BEAUTIFUL TO ME. THEY WERE DANGEROUS AND UNPREDICTABLE BECAUSE THEY HAD VERY POWERFUL ENGINES IN FRAMES THAT WERENT MUCH STRONGER THAN ONE A BICYCLE WOULD HAVE. GUESS WHAT THEIR NICKNAME WAS:

THE WIDOWMAKER.