Sex - Oh God

Fucking is fucked again. I've got a great anti-sex combo going at the moment which comprises:

1. A totally crap filling in my mouth which feels like I've got a golfball wedged in my top molars.
2. Killer Piles. Something I thought I'd sorted a couple of years ago has popped out again. When something is wrong down there, everything is wrong down there.
3. Queenie has informed me that sex is now simply a trade between us. I shag her; she gets something in return. Money, white goods, childcare when she goes away somewhere. I previously had thought that as a married couple we shared and co-operated but I am in fact simply a cog in the market economy.

Hell. I suppose most wives are defacto prostitutes. If you don't enjoy sex then you become a sex worker. Men get off , women don't, take it from there. It's made me think about how crap I am at sex. When you're younger you don't think about that (well, I didn't anyway). All you think about it having sex, never mind riffling the pages of the Kama Sutra. All those girls/women who never made much noise when I did it - what were they thinking? That old cliche, the shopping list? Some sort of sense of duty; this is just what one does?
When a woman did appear to have an orgasm it was quite startling and a real turn-on novelty. Queenie used to have them all the time back in the old days when I was unreliable, feckless, unfaithful and completely selfish. I used to be disturbed and jealous, so powerful were her feelings. As I committed more completely to her, and tried to do what she wanted in bed, her arousal grew less and less. In that classic man-woman way, she loved me more in the beginning, then as I loved her more, she loved me less.

She would deny this of course, but it is true. She says that things have got worse because of the damage done through the years. I'm not sure it isn't simply a combination of tiredness, old age and simply not having to put on a good show.