The War to End all Wars

No, not my marriage; our trip to the graves and battlefields of the Somme, Ypres, Paschendale. We went this half term for 3 nights as some sort of themed break. As someone pointed out, when your children are younger you take them to EuroDisney, as they get a bit older then it's the turn of that World War 1 'circuit'. The killing fields of Sassoon, Brooke, Owen, celebrated in a never ending pageant which is by turns moving and exploitative. Let's face it, the tourist boards of Northern France and Belgium don't have much else to offer apart from the senseless slaughter of nearly all the healthy young males in Europe 91 years ago. In some places, the Ypres Flanders Fields museum for instance, this is tastefully done. In others, The Hill 62 Bar/Coffee shop/trench/museum/experience as an example, the tone is money grabbing, sick prurience.

At No 62 a fat loathsome specimen takes your money (25 Euros for a family of 4) close to a sign informing any relatives of dead soldiers that it is not possible to visit the museum or trenches free of charge. You then enter a large room filled with War junk... and pictures. Photographs on the walls and in banks of old What-the-Butler-Saw machines showing war porn. Men and boys with faces blown off, intestines hanging out, maggots coming out of their rotting eye sockets. Simply tons of this stuff. You then step into a garage filled with tons of rusting ordinance, obviously scavenged from neighbouring fields which leads to the fat mans back garden where he has created a trench system with old barbed wire and corrugated iron sheets. When we were there gangs of Belgian schoolkids were shrieking about in the mud and I didn't get the impression that anyone was building up to a 2 minute silence.

This was one of those revelatory times when you are reminded that bad shit should never be used for the purposes of gratuitous entertainment. Car crash videos, porn, 9-11 documentaries and any private pay-as-you-go war musuem. All of them should be avoided.
Subsequently sticking to the official trail, I would reccommend the big German war cemeteray near Ypres. With its trees, black marble blocks and weeping dark stone figures it conveys far more effectively a sense of overall loss and mourning. Us Brits seem to love this stuff. You can go to the most obscure, off the beaten track cemetary, and you will always find at least a couple of British registered cars parked up nearby and some geeky father/son combo stomping around in walking boots. Train spotting became too recherche - now we collect war graves!

If it helps you plan where to go, I would say that Belgium is friendlier, cheaper and has better food than France. And everyone speaks English there.